Wednesday, June 16, 2021
Friday, June 04, 2021
Chris Voss was a FBI hostage negotiator turned consultant and I chanced upon his book on Kindle. It took quite a while to finish as I was busy with other stuff. Overall, it was a somewhat satisfying read although I probably need a lot of practice to become a better negotiator. Here's his lessons for winning negotiations.
1. Listen, mirror and label. Chris first lesson was simply these three words. We should listen to what the other party wants. Then mirror and label their emotions. Once they feel that they are heard, we can then negotiate. He encouraged to use phrases like, "it seems like..." and "I hear that you are feeling...". These are labeling techniques to confirm what has been said. It validates the other party and allows for the conversation to progresss.
2. Accommodator, Assertive and Analyst. The next three words are as stated. They should all be read as nouns to describe people. Once we understand their style, it is easier to negotiate with them. Accommodators are people who likes to agree. They tend to be silent when they are actually angry. Assertive people needs to be heard before they can hear anything and analysts can be won by numbers and facts. Most people are multi-facet so it is important to know when they change from say assertive to analytical.
3. Ackerman model. The best part of the book is probably the introduction of the Ackerman model and other tactics to negotiate salaries or when buying cars. There are a few interesting rules like let others go first and then when you state your price, be prepared to raise it just a little each time. The final number should also be an odd number like $35,505 to give the impression you are being squeezed to the last dollar.
It was just a somewhat satisfying book because I felt that it did not capture everyday negotiations. We do not negotiate for the release of hostages in our daily lives. We are negotiating with family members, bosses, colleagues and it takes a slightly different attitude because in the end we want win-win solutions. That said, hopefully the three lessons above are useful enough and can be applied at work or at home successfully.